Does patience equal tolerance?

There is something about that smile that calms me down and makes me feel like the world's gonna be alright.

Growing up sucks

As I sit in my cubicle 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I've been given a lot more thinking time. However what I think about isn't always positive...

I'm trying to think of who/how/what I used to be and I know I'm not that person anymore and I very much wish I still was that person. I know I've still got it in me but yet it's like I've suddenly become aware of my surroundings.

It's like when Adam and Eve took a bite of the fruit and their eyes suddenly opened, not for the better. Before that bite into the fruit, they were happy, innocent, carefree.

And I wish I was like that again ... I used to consider myself as one of those happy-go-lucky types of people. I was loud and bouncing everywhere, possibly shameless, but I didn't care. That was me and I was happy... I did what made me happy. I thrived off of getting involved in anything and everything. I never wanted to stay in or sit down. Although I placed extra-curriculars above my academics, I still managed to keep a healthy balance.

I look at myself now and I am the complete opposite.

So with that said, something needs to change... Not so much a reversion back to my old self but an embrace of who I used to be and who I want to become.

I've reflected back on what I used to do in high school and am determined to follow through with something similar in hopes of getting back this happy-go-lucky part of me to be a whole of me.

No Games - Serani

So even if the titled post's lyrics does not accurately reflect our relationship, when we had a quiet discussion about it, about how there were "no games" between us ... the song plays in our head and then we start jammin'... dam you catchy songs.

But that's besides the point.

All too often we hear our girlfriends or our male friends or even ourselves playing in the dating game. Could be fun, could be tragic - whatever the outcome, we've all been participants or are currently still playing.

During the fun no-strings-attached moments, we find ourselves exhilarated by the things we don't know and the things we may eventually discover. These supposedly fun times are appealing at the moment but don't always resolve in happy endings.

Which brings us to the second half of the story, the tragedy. I myself have been there, done that. My naive self only less than a couple years ago brought me there and only then did I finally wake up and realize that's not where I wanted to be. I realized that not all games were meant to be played nor were they ever worth my time.

What makes you think that if a guy/girl plays mind games with you pre-relationship will stop playing those games during a relationship? The answer is that more often than not, they don't. More often than not, one person is going to be more insecure than the other and that insecurity usually results in playing the I-can't-be-more-vulnerable-than-the-other game ... and then it's a cat-and-mouse chase.

My advice is this, if you're looking for someone that you could call your boo, there shouldn't be any games. If there are, sirens should go off.

***

I only bring this up because a girlfriend recently asked me how my relationship began. Although no two relationships can be the same, I only give personal advice and it's at your discretion whether or not to take it.

For example ...

Although in the past I was a poor victim of the dating game, I've realized it was because I was trying to be somebody I was not... I kept putting on a front, afraid of judgment and criticism. When he came along, I don't know how I did it but when I reflect back, I only remember being myself, being natural - no games, and maybe that's what's working.

Be yourself, I'm sure you're an amazing person and you'll have at least one worthy admirer, if not more. If they don't like, they don't like... their loss. Plenty of very yummy fish in the sea~

***

And when you take that chance to stop playing that game all too familiar to us, maybe that person who found you as you were, embraced your beauty and flaws alike, could very well be the person you grow old with.