RIP MJ

I didn't grow up with his music but I certainly allowed myself a fair dosage of his talent and his music to admire what kind of immense talent he had. Although he went a little cuckoo in our eyes because of the way he grew up and the pressure from the media, he always had more people on his side more often than not. I think everyone feels horrible about the negative things they said about him, but no one will ever admit that they did.

He will never be forgotten ...

I am still in shock and I am in denial.



I know there's some Akon in there but when MJ sings in this song it makes me cry :(

Real vs. Fake

You know that question people always ask you and if they don't ask you directly, you know they're thinking it. Is that purse you're carrying real or fake? They're not only asking you about whether or not your purse is a real designer purse or a fake designer purse there always implications with what the answer is... Obviously as superficial as it may sound ... what you wear is how you portray yourself, your personality, the way people approach you.

It may often come off as pretentious, snobby maybe if one was wearing or carrying all the designer items with no deviation away from what we see. But they can afford it, they can shower themselves with expensive gifts. Some reward themselves with something real.

I bring this up because I hate it when people ask me if my stuff is real or fake. Obviously, they want to know, to also know what kind of a person I am. Can I really afford all that stuff or am I pretending to look like I can? But seriously guys ... whatever expensive things I own I worked hard for so yes it bother me sometimes when I have to explain that it is real when the answer should be obvious.

Child's Play ?

It was like we were all kids again. Forgot the distances we put between us, forgot the age gaps and we sat down on carpeted floor staring at a whiteboard with some very trusty markers. And then laughing spasms began ... I haven't laughed like that in a long time. Who knew wishing to feel like wanting to be out of breath would be desirable?

Anyway, I know everyday should be different and should be about change. A few things some people said to me today woke me up once again... and I hope this time for good. I need to make some changes in my life and it's going to start now.

NTS: crlsnsptncmntnc

Figuring it out

He doesn't drop hints per se, nor does he assert things to avoid making promises. There's a slip here and there in casual speech that expresses intentions. Because of that, I am fairly content.

However, comparing to couples who do have these discussions vs. couples who don't at all ... I'm not sure where I'd rather be.

Space and Time

Two words I heard over and over again during my second year. I never knew that these two words, or ideas, both of which influences our lives day to day would be so significant to me beyond lectures and readings.

I have found that a person needs space and time to heal, space and time in order to have closure, and likewise to forgive and forget.

We have really weird behavioural patterns ... which reminds me that he's pretty much deemed us as "humanoids". Like do you ever wonder how what other possible life forms in outerspace might observe us? We stare at animals and insects and we ooh ahh at the wonders that God placed in front of us. If an intelligent alien were to observe us in the same manner, wouldn't you think we'd be the most fascinating creatures and yet the most confusing species to understand?

We have set so many societal rules, personal demands that restrict us from living happily. Actually there aren't really any rules anymore. At this day and age, whatever seems right at the moment goes. We hardly ever pause to think how our actions affect a particular outcome.

We've done something wrong, or someone has wronged us. Some may blow up, fuming, while others aren't even affected one bit. Regardless, both have elements of space and time that contribute to that result....

Am I over thinking things?

Anyways, I might be rambling again... I've been rambling a lot lately when I get a chance to vent, talk, whatever. I think this has a direct correlation from my being cooped up in a cubicle all day.

Oh, my doctor says I should go outside more. 2 years ago, I would not have thought this would become a primary issue -.-.

Self vs. Others

Do I do what makes me happy or do I do it for the sake of others' satisfaction? I believe in both but I hate jeopardizing what makes me happy and yet I hate not pleasing others to the very least.

I've worked very hard to be satisfied with who I am and when someone tells me that I could be better, I don't doubt that... there's always room to improve. But a part of me tells me that somehow what I'm doing isn't enough, that what I'm comfortable with now isn't up to par.

Head Over Heels

I haven't felt this way in a long, long time. Or I may never have felt this way ever, come to think of it.

He may not shower me with gifts or whisper sweet-nothings in my ear often, but when he does, I feel that much more special.

It also makes me that much more scared of losing him.

I guess love is risky... placing yourself in a vulnerable state, sinking deeper into quicksand as days go by.

At this moment though, I do not mind it at all.

Oh ... and work is boring.

Boy

You make me smile and laugh even with the simplest booger and fart jokes. 8-)