motivation

I love Korean stuff for this very reason.

"If you sleep, you dream. If you study/work, your dreams become reality."

focus

What am I doing with my life?
I'm losing focus in everything I do, in everything I am.
I don't seem to know where I stand, what I'm directed towards.
I'm not focused with God, with relationships, in school, my future -- everything.
And yet, I'm not doing much either to stray away.
I'm just... drifting.

I never meant to hurt anyone 'cause I do know what it's like to be hurt. A friend constantly tells me that I do hold high expectations and I especially hold high hopes - which is why I don't give in too easily. And it's sad to say that none of you guys at the moment fit just right. I'm sorry, but I can't help it.

1. There's you. You have everything going for you and yes I feel like the luckiest girl to ever be in your arms. We're so different, and yes I understand but there doesn't seem to be enough sacrificing.
2. And then there's you. You have the most innocent love that rarely exists anymore, am I taking it for granted? Realistically speaking, there is so much more growing up to do.

That is why, I want things to remain the way they are right now. At least for now, at least when this hectic month is finally over then I can finally breathe.

I'm so pressured into growing up right now. And I know in a few, I'll wish to be young again. That's the irony of life.

I can't believe it's already been seven months. It's been a long time coming.

Anyway, Happy early Easter, Jesus. Thank You for everything.

As I'm typing this, I am speaking in my mind in a British accent. Don't ask me why or how, I just am. I just finished watching the perfect romcom-chickflick, The Holiday. Although incomparable to my ever-so-loved Korean dramas, I quite enjoyed this movie. I've backspaced a few times 'cause I don't know what to say but here are a few quotes that I found.

Iris: I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

This character is obviously exaggerated but however could exist. God makes us soul search and He makes us more immersed - I like that. It helps us not to settle for less and to aim a little higher.

Iris: It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

I remember feeling that way... pieces of my soul have finally come back within the last year. But I haven't felt that kind of "happy" in a really long time. I'm always happy though, and I guess it's okay that I'm not too dependent on the other kind of happy.

In any case, I like to dream and think so... I guess I like the way things are right now. :)

nice and dandy

It's a good feeling knowing that pretense no longer exists between us. Time really does heal all wounds. I feel that the both of us can be friends like we were before, and it feels awesome.

Maybe that's why I'm not too fond of relationships in the first place. The ones that don't work out end up putting friendships on hiatus or they completely end it forever. I'm glad I don't thrive off relationships for happiness but I thrive off the agape love that we're all supposed to share.

Anyway, I don't know what this feeling means. I love being around you, but yet I can't say for sure that I like you. I don't remember what it feels like to be head over heels. But I think that just means that now isn't the time and I'm not ready.

It's ironic how even as mature as I am now, I seemed more ready years ago.

I will be a humanitarian.

There is nothing more that I want to do than follow in Jesus' footsteps, to do what He did best. In His passion, He demonstrated love and comfort.

Kollaboration was a hype event, but in the midst of all that... they never forgot who God was and what we could do to share His love. HanVoice

***

I keep talking about reviving my previous passions for the arts and sports and the immense amounts of time I used to spend enjoying them. As I spent my last March Break ever, I will diminish the use of computer time and be productive.

Hope everyone realizes the gift of life.

condolences

To the Bewleys, the Hoskins', and to the Ho family.
I'm at a loss for words to see how strong everyone is.
Content with the fact that their late loved one is in a better place, but still grieving over a loss.
I don't even want to imagine what it's like for me.
It's at times like these where I analyze my life all over again.
Did I accomplish all that I have intended to at this point?
Anyway, you all are always in my mind.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

***

I really didn't know better and then I started getting frustrated without knowing what you were going through. I always thought it was just the way you are and I never understood what you had to put up with. I'm sorry and I don't think I'll ever act that way ever again. I don't ever want to.

***

I'm sorry that things had to turn out the way it did between us. I never intended anything of that nature to happen but yet it did. Let this be a lesson to the both of us. Hold your head up high and don't let that interfere with the person you have yet to be.

***

I need to diet. I want to fit into the pants I wore last year 'cause I don't want to buy any more.