why is it that, these rush of emotions hafta come at this point in time where exams are about to take place, isp's due... a time where i really need to focus on school? so to give in to my distracted mindset i have resulted to be here rather than sticking my nose in the books where it should belong now.

i really dont know what i'm thinkin at this point, i wanna stay i earnestly do, but i wanna be there too. grrrr

richie's right. why is my church wanting to spend $18 million on a new luxury church? whereas a simple practicle orphanage would only cost less than $1 million. are we not satisfied with ourselves? is this church really sure they wanna put that much money into expanding this church, where it could soon become something that isn't of God, like pride in looks and luxury? i'm not even sure if i'm supporting this, cuz $18 million is a lot of money, where it could be spent on somewhere that needs that money unlike us fortunate people...

maybe i shouldnt think too much, cuz if these things are supposed to happen, itll happen. i enjoy being in your company so much though, and i'm looking forward to the next time i'll see you again. cuz without you all i'm going to be is incomplete

k gotta go back to nerding myself late at night...

God said no

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! , but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
And God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

prom

it's amazing how things turn out at the end. so after school i rush home to get ready cuz i was supposed to be picked up at 4 45. but then kevin ends up being late picking me up at 5 30. lol so then i'm like in his van with his parents, sister and tim. it was an interesting ride to the liberty grande. hahaha his sister is hilarious. she's like. "kevin runs around in his underwear at home" hahaha n then she tells me how kevin got drunk. she reminds me of my siblings, and that gives me a pointer to never introduce them to her lol.

we finally arrive a lil late but even the president wasnt there yet, so we were pretty relieved. spent too long tryina put kevin's REALLY heavy corsage on, n then i had to ask two other girls to put it on for him. ahha in the end it finally worked out. dont worry, this one is the practice one. ahhaha i've got two more to go. spent around 2 hours ish doing registration and putting out glowsticks, champagne glasses and photo albums (they're lil momentos) i'm surprised dmci put so much effort into this. and then doing that i met shawn kim aka tyrone. ahhaha his actual name is tyrone, but since he's korean the name's too black for him. hahahah n then we take the photos, we couldve taken more but kevin and his big mouth :P said i dint go to dmci so we werent allowed. pooosers, oh and while i was helping out at the front desk, joey and merke both called me! it made my somewhat boring time, unboring even though it was only for a short while.

the next command that the president gave us was to hand out ballots for best dressed around the hall to each table. so alalal each table, until i got to this one, it was supposedly the gangster table. LOL n then while i was handing the ballots out, this guy (apparently the class clown, but i dint know at the time, so i was pretty freaked out) started talking to me. he was like "oh i'll vote you for best dressed" n then i'm like "i dont go to this school" he's like "it's okay, i'll put you down anyway. whats your name?" me "rachel" him "last name" me "fung" him "i dont know how to spell that" me "thats okay" *continue walking, freaked out*

so after we count all the ballots which was really confusing, we got FREE food. the waiters/waitresses were so nice. they saw tim, kev and i sitting at an empty table and asked us if we would like some. hahaha so who could turn down the offer? it was good lasagna, though it was veggie. hahah n then cheesecake. it made us soooo happy. ahhah like we all thought it would be a crappy night, but it wasnt. since the only other person i knew other than tim and kev was shawn (tyrone), i went to his table aka the stag table as kevin called it. his friends were all korean or chinese i think. ahahah as they were going thru their names, i couldnt understand cuz it was mainly fob korean names. so i made up names for them LOL. they enjoyed it i think, since they were laughing. kyle was really cool, he was one of the normal ones, with the names i could pronounce. lol

finally after some time it was like already nine-ish and kevin told my parents that i'd be back at ten. but ahhaha me being "rebellious" told him to stay until twelve. so picture time was next. i took a picture with a guy that was on his way to harvard, i dont rmb his name. but i took one anyway, just in case he becomes famous one day so then i can prove and say "i went to his prom!" n then we wander and take pictures outside on the patio and ish. like wow, the place was really elegant i thought.

mmmm no one was dancing to music the whole night, so i thought, wow dmci's pretty conservative, until the king and queen were crowned and they had their traditional dance. n then everyone had their slow dance, but until the upbeat music came on. hahah it was like total change from what the atmosphere was from the beginning. it was funny for me cuz guys were dancing with each other, and so i asked shawn why, and he was like NO GIRLS TO DANCE WITH! lol and i guess i had fun on the floor, awkward for me in the beginning but hey, it was another experience. seeing old teachers dancing was... pretty... interesting hahah it was jokes though. different genres of music were played. first it was the nice easy slow songs, n then randomly came latin music that i dint know how to dance to.... lol

and finally we had to leave a lil bit early cuz my parents were getting worried that i was two hours late. LOL and my mom was like okay kevin needs to come talk to me and explain. and kevin trudges to my door, waits there, but my mom was sleeping. hahah so i told him to go. and i'm so glad that my parents dint make a big deal about me getting home at around 1am ish. they were just like, oh tell me everything tomoro. har, i feel cool. *shifts eyes* so finally, i wanna say thank you kev, for everything :)

ohhh what a lurvely sunny day. makes me so super duper happaayyyy. englishisp and math test off my back, but now theres the french isp and accounting thing i gotta finish. aahhhh, just...a little under 2 weeks, and then i'm fre for 3 months... i cant wait. prom tomoro, hmmm should be interesting. if not, i'll go home earlie, hehe. okay so i gotta go back to star wars geeking. XD

lately

so i'm only going to think as far back as friday. heading out for metro to meet up with ayers. only to find out that my 60e bus was not coming. and so i walk aaaallll the way to willowdale from where i live, on a rainy day! n then so we meet up i get all hyped. well surprise surprise, all good things come to and end. i lose my wallet. actually, someone STOLE my wallet because if i lost it, i wouldnt know where i last left it. where in that case, i never left my seat. like come on, metro's food court isnt that big. its like 2 steps and youre there from the counter and back to your seat. so we all concluded that someone stole it, cuz thats the only reason why its not there. so i'm like pretty frustrated andi felt really crappy, and i'm so incredibly grateful for those lovely people who tried to cheer me up. so i go for t3c coffeehouse for a bit, but i had to leave cuz my daddy was being paranoid and made me go the police station. like ahahah who does that for a stolen wallet. but ehh, i miss it. all my pictures, memories, gone, just like that. in half an hour's time to notice it wasnt with me anymore.

n then saturday, i go shopping with my mommy for heels for my dress. and so we bought a pair, 4 inches. highest i've ever bought, and itll only go that high. hahaha otherwise i really cant walk. i'm gonna trip and fall in 5 mins after i wear em.

sunday after church i go to josh's house. well me and josh end up wasting our effort on an unfinished cardboard tv. josh and davy were owning me in ps2 streetballing. foosball/jitz (just for those who argue which one its supposed to be called) with davy and jo mostly cuz maddie and josh just plainly suck. eyetoy or parapara as i like to call it. we have like no coordination whatsoever. ahha we such tarded people. n then pizza. i'm such a crazyazz with adults. i think i should stop.

lol and today was the first day campaigning, well supposedly. man my poster skills suck. i really gotta appreciate my artistic friends more, they come in handy. (no, i am SO not using you guys =P) so now off to my accounting homework...

went to jay's game yesterday. its been a while since i've been down at the skydome, wait now its called the rogers centre. what a boring name. but wow, i thought the dome would be pretty empty but it was pretty hype outside and inside everytime we got a run or a homerun anyway. i spent like half of my time there explaining baseball to my mom but in the end she got pretty bored of it. so we left after fifth inning since i had to go to jo's party anyway. this was the day i found out that my mom was afraid of heights, it was pretty funny. n then went to jo's party. met a few new people. ian got in a car crash, poor him. finally met devlin. we went to the park to play vball and soccer and others just chilled or played football. we went back to the house and we played mj and foosball where other people danced and played poker. then i went homeeeeeee... i saw so many cute kiddies, it makes me want a lil bro or even a kid of my own. hahaha until that dayyy.. but anyway, i'm single again. joyy, kinda. i'm feeling kinda under the weather, but i'm sure i'll get over it

eurotrip

april 24

having sat on a chronically uncomfy plane ride, sleeping through Spanglish with a tummy ache that never went away, amazingly delicious airplane food (never thought that would happen), popping ears until i could almost like a few others, maniac bus rides, trying to get used to the unusual European food and culture, greasy hair because of the lack of showers on the plane, swollen feet being unable to fit into my sandals, running around in airports, chilling at airports to wait for the next flight, eating weird tasting hungarian food like fruit soup, talking to friendly strangers on the plane interested in what our team's mission was to go to europe, i'm finally settled in Oradea, Romania. in the midst of all that i was looking forward to experienceing a lot with the group, with God, yet at the same time wishing i was back home with Johnny, and my lovable family and friends. in addition, me being on bus one arriving way earlier than bus two because of their trailer issues, there was an interesting beginning bond between us in the lobby that foreshadowed what we had yet to encounter in the days to come.

april 25

today all of us went out to a Romanian Arts Academy. everyone there was so musically talented i was truly amazed. though both schools had language barriers, we still managed to interact and get to know one another. all the guys were playing soccer and basketball outside and to our bball guys' surprise, the romanian ballers are pretty good and finally got owned the pca-ers in balling. the guys are soooooooo flipping cuuuuute! i made friends but too bad i couldnt pronouce half of their names, so i made nicknames for them. philly, demmy, benny, van, raoul, cami, teodora, and others i was acquainted with i cant remember. then our concert went okay, always kinda boring but meh, the romanians enjoyed it. everyone in Romania is so friendly and passionate about what they love, music, friends and God alike. i'm getting so attached to these people. i cant believe philly kissed my hand! what a cutie, you would never get that everyday. and it totally made my day and i couldnt stop thinking about it. i didnt know i could make friends that easily with foreign people. and now that i have i dont want to leave. i should really stop speed talking cuz half the time the romanians are telling me to repeat what i say cuz they dont understand english too well. i dont want europe to end, its so beautiful. i really got to take more pictures. christian worship here is so amazing, after the concert, some romanian teens stayed behind and gathered at the piano and started singing "shout to the Lord" in romanian, causing a bunch of us canadians to sing with them also in english. then God's presence just filled us, united our two cultures. some people were in tears of awe of how great God was. then after there was a Christian event outside ministering to the romanian citizens involving a large crowd surrounding the presentations they were doing. what i found was that European people are really genuinely nice and dont back stab like us north americans. we're such snobs and we really need to change that. God is good and on a final note, everyone kept singing the michael keoshkarian song hahaha we're so jokes.

april 26

today is our last day in romania and i know we all dreaded it. it was a sticky and rainy day going to the bear caves aka jen's ear and nose. LOL then we had a performance at a romanian church where once again i could see my newfound romanian friends. eager i was in my seat to finally talk to the romanian cuties after the performance even though knowing that itll be the last time i'll ever get a chance to see them. i was on the verge of tears hearing the romanian pastor talk about our connection with each other. they love us, we love them. i wanted to cry today, i'm going to miss philly, benny, teodora, cami, david, mir and everyone else that came out to see us. it was funny because matt hoskins got all these european girls talking to him. talking to teodora was just enlightening because she's so amusing.

april 27

still very attached to Romania though i'm finally in budapest, hungary. it's pretty and nice, but people are still nicer in romania. there was this really nice guy i met in hungary that helped me with my luggage, but i only spoke my limited hungarian to him since he dint speak any english so too bad. i called my mom today, making me miss home.

april 28

• romania is still my lover
• toured Budapest today, its a BEAUTIFUL city
• sightseeing was tiring though
• city streets are tiny and makes me claustrophobic when cars are passing
• drivers are rude
• hungarians are very horny which is why we call them horny hungarians since they stare at you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable
• called johnny today and it made my day when he said he missed me
• matt hoskins is a european babe magnet
• souvenir shopping was hectic and i bought such useless and rippy-offy stuff
• bought a pretty display of brandy but had it broken in the hotel, what a waste of money.

april 29

took off for vienna bright and early in the morning. vienna is TRES B-E-A-UTIFUL! i did A LOT of shopping for souvenirs. poor me, i lost 5 euros and had to pay 74.90 euros at one souvenir place. we played at an austrian school earlier that had a super duper nice facility that got me jealous. the guys there were sizzling but we did not get a chance to befriend them. worshipping God was amazing tonight it should happen everyday. i say it all the time but i'll say it again. God is good. all the time. exhausted i am...

april 30

toured vienna again today and shopped. i really got to stop spending money on useless things. after that we went to a catholic church to play music. i expected it to be really dry but it wasnt. the priest or bishop or whatever it is they call them was really nice. even though his sermon was in german it was translated later and it really tugged on my heartstrings. i played a lot better today but i think its because the orchestra was in the balcony where no one could see. me nd christine spent our whole day making fun of mike keoshkerian. what jokes. then we had dinner at a wine restaurant. there were so many ants at our table and in our food that everyone got all antsy and couldnt sit still and kept squirming and twitching and you would hear random screams from our table that we would get evil glares from others. a violionist and an accordion player came to serenade our group with soothing and upbeat music that everyone was so connected in singing and clapping, dancing everyhting of the sort. we were all so happy jammin along. it was a night to remember. after we went outside and the dark night sky was eally cear where the stars were so visible; we could even see the big dipper. it reminded me of the stargazing back in my chandos days. i cant believe that theres only going to be 5 days left. the night life in vienna is so romantic, ravishing, beautiful, like wow. i miss the people in romania still, i cant believe i'm still attached. and yet again, jen rolls her eyes when i say that.

may 1

danube cruise: kind of pointless really since everyone was on the open deck where as we were playing inside where barely no one was there to hear us play. but anyway, we were supposed to eat lunch there but the stupid waiters wouldnt take our order and was being really rude, just merely nodding to acknowledge that i needed to order food resulting in me being tres pisse and my starvation. then it resulted in me and sandra paying like 9,90 euros for a small stupid box of fruit. bus ride was funny because me sam and chris had selective hearing for eavesdropping on josh and mike k talking about their love lives. what funny kids. then we arrived a super confusing hotel. exhaustion once again. we had acoustic worship today, a bit mellower so not as hype, but probably because everyone was really drained. my skin is getting worse, it better be because of my lack of sleep or because of the different environment i'm in because i feel very dirty and ugly. but anyhow, this trip is definitely worthwhile, bonding with other people, strengthening relations just a bit before the year ends. i cant believe i was discussing school today, i gotta cram so much on the weekend we get back and AHHH! my zits are pising me off. i must tie my hands together and stop trying to pop them to make them go away

may 2

last day in austria. went shopping with seven guys: matt, adam, dan, lester, drew, josh, nathan. i'm never doing that again, so bored and i didnt get to do everything i wanted to do, but i love them anyway. there were so many beautiful sights in salzburg. the sound of music areas and fountains we visited. a bunch of us also went to mozart's home, amazing architecture. it was ordinary but interesting. today we worshipped GOd and and it was amazing. i looked tres oogley today but i didnt really care to fix myself up since it was like HOT. like dying hot. sighs during oasis there were so many bring ups about Romania and made me really wonder if i would ever talk to them again, see the picture i took with the romanians... we were playing at the mall today instead of the seniors home and it once again was really dry. though different, it was a worthwhile experience. the audience was a bit underappreciating and was REALLY passive. meh, something to remember at least. and i swear i'm going to die from lung cancer cuz of the second hand smoke. hmm, now that i think about it i'm reallying to miss the grade 12s though some are just acquaintances turned friends, i'm still going to miss the way we connected. it always has to end this way. once you get something good, it's like it disappears before you're able to grasp a hold on it.

may 3

headed off for Munich today. we all went shopping at city central rather than touring a castle that would have exhausted us like crazy. i spent a lot of money on a skirt, purse, jewelry and souvenirs. then we arrived at a DINGY hotel. it's so dark and closed that its scary. worship and oasis again we had. it was deep and teary-eyed knowing that this is one of the rare times that we're focused on God and each other. then after everything, everyone was chilling in the halls all hyper on who knows what. laughing, enjoying ourselves knowing that just in less than a few days we'd be leaving our new found love: Europe. it aches me and i know it aches many others. it was here where we did God's will, it was here where bonds of friendships were made and strengthened. i'm gonna miss everything about Europe aside from all the smoking and excessive porn

i love europe and everyone the team. all the jokes we share, the one love we share.

may 4

today breakfast was good, cuz of Nutella. MMMMM then we went to Dachau, a concentration camp. it was a pretty lifechanging experience for me. seeing all the pictures, words, descriptionsl acutally being on site where torture happened. i've had a totally different view on everything. after seeing everything we went to a chapel meeting one of the Holocaust survivors. it made me tear. he talked about his hopes and dreams, how he always questions God but never got his answers. then a few people like me,dana,megan, dani started tearing because he was crying himself. so mr vernon instructed josh r to hand the survivor a bouquet of flowers. from that i think he was really moved and he went up in front of the group and smoke of how he was going to go back to Jerusalem a changed man, how we as a group impacted him, how he feels something really different in his heart. and i know that God was in us, through us in that room that day. we started singing Psalm 23. it was a heartwrenching time for everyone. i cant even put into words all the emotions that went through my heart and mind that day. after that we had dinner. my waitress was kind of rude but meh. and again we had worship and open mic. wow, just winding down like that gets everyone emotional with their last words, encouragements, heartpouring, and the "i miss you's". after all that, we decided to stay back and just be with each other. hahaha it ended up being a dance off where chan norris and josh were dancing and everyone else was setting up the beats. oh yeah, and mike seto did his seizure dance which was way cool. i love the euroteam. its so sad how tomoro we're leaving our beautiful haven overflowing with memories.

may 5

went on the plane, i sat with chris the first round. we havent sat down and actually had a real conversation in too long, so that was really great for us. then the second time me jen dani and helen sat in one row. like hello, thats destined. i kept trying to sleep but people around me were getting restless n then i got a bit pissed. but its okay, thats only cuz i was trying to sleep, and tired ppl get cranky. i tried to watch in good company, i did but only the first half, because it got so boring i fell asleep. n then they played ocean's twelve. i didnt watch that either but instead just started talking to people.

overall

it was a blissful trip. full of jokes, smiles, laughs. like our accents, our songs, our teasings, our openmouthed sleepery and so much more. it was really great for everyone dressing up nice, not being in just tshirt and sweats but actually living up to the european higherclassed culture in fashion. everyone looked so much more mature. and everyone is a lot more mature. we've grown and i am soooo freaking proud of you guys. i'm tearing cuz of how happy i am for everyone, from the retreat and eurotrip. renewed in God we are.

we're going to be history makers, we're gonna create a revolution. this is a Jesus generation.