Man's Best Friend

Before I embark on a study marathon for the next 3 days, I have to write out everything I'm feeling.

There's a very high level of regret that I am feeling right now. I regret that I didn't spend enough time with Leonard when he was there by my feet each time he saw me. He followed me everywhere, always begged for tummy rubs. I'd only pay attention to him on my own time. Each time he did his trademark paw thing, he win my heart all over again. He knew that that was the key to my heart. ... and yet I was so selfish.

I saw him two nights before his death and I only merely glanced at him, never thinking that he would be gone from my life so soon. I remember thinking after that night why I never paid more attention to him. It was during dinner, that the news of his disappearance came to me and I was never the same again. I knew that if we found him right now after in one piece, I would love him all up. That decision came too late though. The worst of my fears happened, I was in denial, I was in shock and I didn't know what else to feel.

It was first time I saw him cry. We cried for hours, not knowing what to do, feelings of guilt, regret, sadness. There's this Leonard shaped hole in my life ... and I don't know what to do with it. He asked me why humans were so weird, why we get so attached to these dogs. I answered him with all of Leonard's best attributes. We got attached because he was always the first one to meet us at the door, he'd always try to make us happy, he'd never get mad at us if we pushed him away or yell at him but instead try to make things better....

This was the first time I experienced a death very, very close to me. I asked myself constantly whether I'd ever get over it and I don't think I will. I'm thinking about him every single moment of my days, so much that everything reminds me of him. The stairs, the way he'd run up and down the stairs. The couch, the place he always slept. The empty space, the space he always peed and pooed on. The bones we bought for him. The bed, the way he'd run around and try to jump up on the bed...

He was going to celebrate his first birthday next month and I guess we'll be celebrating it for him, without him... He had so much innocence in him, we wanted to bring him out to so many places and now we can't...

Wherever dogs go, heaven, doggie heaven, Leonard I hope you're well... you're running around having the time of your life. I think about you everyday, I miss you everyday and I love you. See you soon...

Rest in Peace
leonard (tat)
August 2008 - July 2009

I took the hit again. I didn't wanna face World War III alone.

POV

I should know, but I will ask again.

Though at some point early in my life, I may have been indoctrinated, sheltered, and only taught one way of life, but now my eyes have opened up... I still want to believe that everything is true, even without mere concrete evidence.

Are you able, will you able, to see where I'm coming from? If so, then we have a deal.

Goals and Ambitions

There's a lot I wanna do, there's a lot I wanna see but yet I feel ever so constrained with time. Am I? Am I really restricted by time or can I run free, do whatever I please? Do I see myself settling down? Eventually, yes. How much time will I allott myself to do what I've seen myself doing my entire life? Would it make sense to just stay put now, try to make enough money and then go? Or would it make sense to just live with it, deal with it and go now before it's too late?

The answers to my very own questions, I won't know now. But eventually I will, with time.

Time, determines everything.

***

Oh and happy 16 <3

Compassion

Jesus was the ultimate example and many others followed suit.

I grew up knowing compassion and wanting to show it to those who needed it, those who deserved it. I've slowly shyed away from doing so, for whatever reason I don't know. Maybe I need that extra push.

It makes me wonder sometimes why people as fortunate as us, don't show more of it? Why aren't we a little more merciful, a little more generous and a little more humbled? Of course, there are those who take advantage of those who are compassionate and then in turn deter us from ever being empathetic ever again.

We could give a lot more, be there a lot more, do a lot more, but we don't because 1. we're selfish and 2. we're scared of being taken advantage of ... so 3. we're just really selfish.

That's the world we live in today.

The Kite Runner

I just finished this beautifully written novel, by my count, the ninth one I've read this summer. Before I embark on reviewing this novel, I have to say that there is nothing like being immersed in a book. Film adaptations are never up to par with the way novels can draw you into another world and make you feel like you are actually the protagonist.

You feel every emotion, you know/imagine every thought (depending on the perspective of which it was written), and you are suddenly in another world.

I discover books by recommendation and word of mouth and it makes me wonder why I've never heard of this novel until this year when it was published four years ago and an Oscar-nominated film was adapted two years ago.

But anyway, watch the film and then read the book... or vice versa... for those who haven't read or watched it yet. I am currently contemplating on whether or not I should watch the films at all because films never do me justice and alter the way I envision characters and settings initially.

My eyes watered now and then and I really hope my colleagues didn't hear me sniffling.

Now I'm off to finish the Harry Potter saga before the sixth movie launches its release in just 8 days! (P.S. The Twilight Saga is so so so boring ...)

For you, a thousand times over.

In with the old, and out with the new!

As my current budget does not allow me to have impulsive spending habits on shopping for new clothes and new shoes ... I figure why not dig through my mom's old wardrobe? Lo and behold, I've taken a liking to her former younger style. I've already claimed old belts and purses... As for shoes, I feel like the ugly stepsister to a Cinderella, if you know what I mean. I've found a lot of skirts and shirts in her closet lately and I am now claiming ownership. I'm sure these hand-me-downs can be handed down further to my future daughter hehe.

Anyways, there isn't much to complain about nowadays. And on another note, I should really be more considerate, yes, yes I should. I will work on that.

Summer school is almost over and this is a crucial month in which there are many things for me to catch up on and yet at the very same time so many things not to miss. There should be more hours in a day, honestly.

I miss high school. Meeting up with old friends revived this nostalgia in me that I know I will forever have. We all complained about how annoying our school was but in the end, I don't regret going at all. I just wish my little brother could have the same experience... :(