you know what they say..

Yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today well-lived,
makes -
Every yesterday a dream of happiness,
And every tomorrow a vision of hope

moving on...

i may still
really miss you
possibly always will
i may be waiting
'til you come back to me
but i can't wait forever
i'll love you forever
and a day
because i still care about you
i'll be smiling back
at all the memories we made together
your sweet embrace
because i'll always remember
i doubt i could forget
everything about you
things have changed, things will change
don't let anyone change who you are
who you were meant to be
keep smiling that sweet smile
so 'til our paths cross again
take care

hey babe it's me

couldn't keep it within me

for all those empty nights that never seem to end
for those times looking at the screen hoping to see "hey babe, it's me calling"
for those moments i put on a temporary smile
for every thing that reminds me of you
for every heartbeat that still resounds
for my hope that maybe things are still okay
for the reality that's hit me. it's back to square one.
for heartaches almost unbearable
can't do nothin'.

yeah, in the end. i don't even know what it's for.

i still need you..i still care about you

quote

"If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy"

no more newlyweds :(

what's with america's sweetest sweethearts getting divorced? jessica and nick are separating :(. first it was my chad and sophia. and now its them. who's next reese and ryan? PLEASE NO

stupid spoiled people who aren't willing to work out a marriage because divorce seems so much more accessible and so much easier. pfft.

think of more ways to disgust me while youre at it.

SNOW! =D

yes yes i love snow. all the fun stuff to do when it's winter! and i guess it'll FINALLY be a white christmas this year? so yup, i can't wait to toboggan. i can't wait to go skating. i can't wait to make snowmen. i can't wait to make snow angels. i can't wait for skiing. and i can't wait for snowboarding. oh how heavenly that sounds. it's like music to my ears (8)

oh and thank God the report card stress is over. my momma's ACTUALLY proud of me this time. finally, i think she's learning that i can't always follow the chinese way. which i don't wanna.

and today my legs almost fell off.

(that will be the closing line of this post)

time

well josh reminded me to blog about something. i know my constant self issues are really peeving, but josh was here to listen, even just for a bit. he's a funny bunny. you know when people say time heals everything? well josh was like, "time doesn't do anything, it's what you do with the time." he quoted that from DR. Phil. and in his defence, he only watches it cuz maddie was watching it. LOL

my silly behaviour is killing the deepness and in turn cannot be *poundingchest*worthy.

very disappointing indeed.

promises

the promises i made were never intended to be broken. i promised to never forget you, and i never will. i promised to never doubt you, and i hope i'll never have to.

passion craze

well since so many are in the passion fad of the concert and ish. their name just lit a bulb in my head. i used to have a lot of passion. i was passionate about so much. art, dance, sports. i loved doing all of them, it was like my way of temporarily detaching from life's inescapable problems. like homework for example. just doing what i enjoy most.

life's gotten so much more complicated since. so much gained, yet so much lost. and i've found that i'm not passionate about many things anymore. and i need to be. i really do, cuz life's not a whatever thing, it's like a yeah-life-is-good! thing.

what happened to DRINK MILK LOVE LIFE?

which reminds me, i barely drink milk anymore. hahaha gotta start doing that again. MOOOO

ymci coffeehouse on weds, i'm definitely looking towards that.

+++

mind you, i never intended any of this to be passive for you. rather, something that always stood out. you still are, very special to me.

so today i got a new hoodie. i'm satisfied, for the time being. but you know whatd really make my day? SNOW. cuz snow means, FUN IN THE SNOW. and fun in the snow means YAY.

and i know i keep going on and on about it. if we wanna get to the ups we gotta get through the downs together.

suddenly my life seems so free
but what if i dont want it to be?
what if i liked it the way it was before
when we were everything we wanted and more?
but six days have now gone by
and the only reason why there are still tears to cry
is the fact that i lost a confidant
for whom i'm meant
in smiles and frowns
being able to share life's ups and downs...

i've just realized...

disclaimer: talking about no one in particular, if this sounds like you, you could possibly be guilt tripping

people are gonna love you, hate you, despise you, rate you, judge you, play you, use you, and possibly kill you for that matter. but in the end, that's not what makes you, you.

and i, having experienced all of the above. having to go through endless minutes of wondering why on earth people are the way they are, what i'm doing wrong. i finally understand...

you may see me as a happy go lucky girl, you may see me being a selfish one, you may see me otherwise. but do you KNOW me?

do you know what goes through my mind each moment of each day? do you know how much of myself i have to humble to understand you, and do you know how much of me i have to find to boost myself back up?

in finalia, i'm already satisfied with the way things are. i've already set my standards low enough so i dont set myself up for bigger disappointments.

i may not be able to experience everything you're going through, but if only you could give me enough time to get to your level and understand..

and maybe all of us will find, love all around us.

after all, we're not in this life alone. plus, i love going out of my way to see you smile. even if its the hardest thing.

and that's always going to be a part of me.

take your sweet time - jesse mccartney

It isn't a crime to want
A little space to breathe
But you will be fine
The sun again will shine on you
Whatever you do

Take your sweet, sweet time
I will be here when you change your mind
Take your sweet, sweet time
I will be here for you, baby
Anytime

I'm feeling you pull away
Cause letting go isn't easy for me
But you'll never fly
With someone else's wings, I know
Wherever you go

Take your sweet, sweet time
I will be here when you change your mind
Take your sweet, sweet time
I will be here for you, baby
Anytime

I will never stand in your way
Wherever your heart may lead you
I will love you the same
And I will be your comfort every day
Do you hear the words I say

Take your sweet, sweet time
I will be here when you change your mind
Take your sweet, sweet time
I will be here for you, baby
Anytime

[ahahha i know his voice is really strained and the theme music is annoying. but i like the words]

If There Be Sorrow by Mari Evans

if there be sorrow
let it be
for things undone
undreamed
unrealized
unattained

to these add one:
love withheld
restrained

i was everything you wanted and more
you said
i'll never know if i still am
or ever will be
until you let me.

and so again i think, like i always do. what good is it gonna do when i just write about my feelings? actually, lotsa good for me. but for you, you've never really been sentimental to these things. although you are, in many ways, cuz i know. and i also think that i'm really okay now. the only thing now is that i really miss you. missing late night talks, missing the ability to think of you and never hafta wonder if you're thinking about me cuz i know you are. and ever since the first day, i've missed you every moment we're apart, so i guess it's still the same now. you never cease to amaze me with all that you are.

and to my surprise, i smiled a lot today. not because it's over, but because i once had you fill that emptiness in my heart. and amazingly, you always will be. =]

trying my hardest

i'm trying my hardest, really.
trying to hold back those naive tears
that don't need to roll down my cheeks
cheeks you used to pinch
those you used to hold near
and hopefully dear to you.

i'm trying my hardest, really.
trying to understand what really went wrong
me being clueless half the time isnt helping
i know.
and here's your space, to fully
gather your life back together

i'm trying my hardest, seriously.
to not look sad, because thats not what you need
i'm trying to stay happy, because after all
you've created so many memories
that i can look back on and smile
and maybe even a little smirk could appear

i'm trying my hardest, seriously
trying to fully comprehend
what goes on in that heart, mind and soul of yours
you used to share, but now almost seems
foreign and yet i still want to befriend
for you said i'd be able to keep you

i'm trying my hardest, definitely.
to hold on to that heart i stole
remembering that i never wanted to give it back
if only i was still that selfish
there's so much in store for you
and you deserve the best, nothing less

i'm trying my hardest, definitely.
to finally grasp the reality that's hit me
that you're just merely one of the greatest people out there
who need your space and time to prioritize
those and things who really matter
and nevertheless i'm glad youre still here

together or not.
i still care about you just as much
and i'll treat you just as right
cuz you'll always be,
my sunshine in the rain
my turkey pie
my knight in shining armor
my seth when i'm miriam
my clyde when i'm bonnie
my nathan cuz i'm still rachel

and then there's you trying
hopefully living life to its fullest
because i've always reminded you to
carpe diem

there's you trying to reach your goals
and i believe you'll reach your highest
aspirations
because i know you know what you want
and what you need
and 'til that day. keep soul searching
for your demanded answers
never settling for less

again, there's you in the midst of this
chaotic world full of sin, but who isnt?
and i'm earnestly hoping for whatever
situation you're in, to be sorted out
and i'm always praying for you, just like
you used to request me to do
no matter how unbelievable it seems
no matter how far away this God
we're supposedly believing is
always hoping for the best

because there's me, and hopefully you
believing in happy endings

to you

for every smile you've put on my face
for every laugh you've made me look back on
for every kiss you've placed on my lips
for every hug to keep me warm
for every rush that's sent chills up my spine and back down
for every moment spent as friends
for every moment spent more than friends
for every time spent with your family
for every time you've taught me something
for every poem you've written me
for every hope
for every day
for every dream
for every memory
for every love
for every part of you, down to your toenails
for every thing you've done
i thank you, i miss you, and i love you

and i love you for who you are and who you will become

so here's to us, and cheers for a stronger friendship
and here's to many things i'll look forward to.
the many places i was supposed to take you.
and will take you.

and make no mistake, you're still as great as ever.

for my love

though we're apart, only mega blocks away,
i still wish you were here, or i, there.
all you asked of me was to bear with you.
that i'll do.
but even more than that
i'll be there for you
and that i'll definitely do
through thick and thin
you and me.

locked in

yes. i am, in my own house. after waking up only 5 minutes after i went to bed, feeling nauseous, a whole wave of sickness took over my being. and as a result, my absence is truly present at school. ahahha and so i now result to staying at home. thank GOD jo's at home too, so i dont feel as bad as missing out. and we as losers shall go back to school when it ends to do our obligated duties. and then go to our designated destinations. wow, so much for being sick. harhar. so now i'm watching spice world. it's almost ending. wow hahahaha

and really, missing remembrance day wasnt my thing. i was just like weeping over my lost poppy two days ago. sadly, i dont think many of us would full understand the pride canada takes in the peace we now have. and somehow many people not really trying to remember canada's past but...lest we forget.

off to school soon to hand in homework, gather homework... and then childcare. n then my long awaited event. my visit to ay =)

challenged to love

this was one of the few times i actually listen during homeroom. mrs. lorimer was talking about loving others, not romantically, but in agape love. when we say we love, it is most often used in a carefree manner to describe something thats not even close to REAL love. but i just want to tell you guys, i do, i will, i try to love. and to love is to show it to proclaim what a wonderful thing it is to love. i'm sorry at many times i seem indifferent to everything you guys do or say. but i am praying to God, in order to show my love for all you loverlies, that i have to understand God's love, asking for His love, striving show His love. hold me accountable. no more judging, lots more loving.

in a state...

in a state of paranoia
in a state of i need your trust
in a state of i miss you
in a state of call me crazy
in a state of i should really stop
in a state of we both have things to do
in a state of i want you
in a state of where are you
in a state of bliss
in a state of will you cook for me again?
in a state of dessert please
in a state of summer memories
in a state of i need you
in a state of reality
in a state of fantasy
in a state of i actually love you