hehehe. yesterday was fun. even though bronze med, 2nd time is pretty tiring, its so jokes. stupid matt chucked the ball at me, i'll get him. talked to andy. lol and tom is funny. ahah so's brandon. hannah kept drowning me. aaaannd yeah then after mtee's house. i missed all the fun but thats okay. ahhaha slapjack was funny.LOL nnnnn whitechicks. narsty uncut scene. thank God we skipped it. we're such angels arent we? newayy nothing to say so byee
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Friday, October 29, 2004
[insert cool title here]
i dont even kno what to blog about. i just wanna blog, to get my ish inside me out. oh well just gonna do whatever. you know what. whenever you feel like everything's going wrong in your life, everything's retarded, nothing's going the right way...i've found out that a lot of people are going thru the same things, well not necessarily the same things, but similar issues at the same time. its funny how when i have a lot of problems in my life, i've focused on myself. but God's sent me soooo many angels to talk to me, to try to comprehend me, and relate to me. and what do you know? i've found four of them, going thru the same thing. but usually whats always the main issues of peoples lives are: 1. family 2. friends 3. school or 4. the special member of the opposite sex. family issues usually involve parents only cuz siblings work things out faster. friend issues mostly involve lil conflicts as we dont agree on the same things or you expect them to be there, and in the end they werent. school: self-explanatory. and your special someone. ehh we've all got our own problems, but the biggest problem is how to work things out. and it seems like none of us have got the answer. oh well family for me..is mending i hope. and friends, to my closests you guys know who you are.. last year was way out of hand..in a good way. just being sooo close with each other, and just the comfy fuzzy feeling whenever i'm around you guys. i've always looked forward to the next time we chilled, cuz i knew something great was gonna happen. and im not saying now i dont look forward to chillin with you guys. and yeah we've talked about this before. it seems like nothing's interesting. everything's so routine. but you know i'm always gonna stick by. let's work on getting our laughing spasms, our deep talks not about people, but about ideas. i'll love you always..annndd schoool. whoahoho. hoping to get a 90 this year, but i feel like i hafta settle for less. as in an 80. it SUUUUCKS. maybe i shouldnt procrastinate so much, and acutally do my homework or even study hard. aaaaaaannnnnnndddddd as for the special someone, eehhh cant complain, cant really be all too happy about it either. and to whoever's reading this. life will always suck, but just think about it stay close and faithful to God. in the end it'll be WAAAY worth it. as in..non-sucky eternity! ie. HEAVEEEENN. Jesus is my only motivation for anything right now. everythings bleckyy. oh and on a final note, i miss my laughing spasms. i miss the way my tummy hurt, the way i couldnt breath, the way when you try to stop laughing you cant. and what youre laughing about isnt funny at all. siiighs* joo.pheebs.jeenn.jooshh. andd waaay before then. kathy. sighs* next week should be a way to catch up on things, shouldnt it? allala thoughts were all scattered but who cares?
Thursday, October 28, 2004
the son
A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare
works of art. They had everything in their collection,
from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together
and admire the great works of art. When the Vietnam
conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very
courageous and died in battle while rescuing another
soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his
only son.
About a month later, just before Christmas, there was
a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door
with a large package in his hands. He said, "Sir, you
don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son
gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he
was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the
heart and he died instantly. He often talked about
you, and your love for art."
The young man held out this package. "I know this
isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think
your son would have wanted you to have this."
The father opened the package. It was a portrait of
his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe
at the way the soldier had captured the personality of
his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to
the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears.
He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for
the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what
your son did for me. It's a gift."
The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every
time visitors came to his home he took them to see the
portrait of his son before he showed them any of the
other great works he had collected.
The man died a few months later. There was to be a
great auction of his paintings. Many influential
people gathered, excited over seeing the great
paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one
for their collection.
On the platform sat the painting of the son. The
auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the
bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid
for this picture?"
There was silence.
Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want
to see the famous paintings. Skip this one."
But the auctioneer persisted. "Will someone bid for
this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100,
$200?"
Another voice shouted angrily. "We didn't come to see
this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the
Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!"
But still the auctioneer continued. "The son! The son!
Who'll take the son? "
Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room.
It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son.
"I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man,
it was all he could afford.
"We have $10, who will bid $20?"
"Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."
"$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"
The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the
picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy
investments for their collections.
The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice,
SOLD for $10!"
A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's
get on with the collection!"
The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the
auction is over."
"What about the paintings?"
"I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this
auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the
will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation
until this time. Only the painting of the son would be
auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit
the entire estate, including the paintings.
The man who took the son gets everything!"
God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel
cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is:
"The son, the son, who'll take the son?"
Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.
note: taken from an email i got a while ago
works of art. They had everything in their collection,
from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together
and admire the great works of art. When the Vietnam
conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very
courageous and died in battle while rescuing another
soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his
only son.
About a month later, just before Christmas, there was
a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door
with a large package in his hands. He said, "Sir, you
don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son
gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he
was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the
heart and he died instantly. He often talked about
you, and your love for art."
The young man held out this package. "I know this
isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think
your son would have wanted you to have this."
The father opened the package. It was a portrait of
his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe
at the way the soldier had captured the personality of
his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to
the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears.
He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for
the picture. "Oh, no sir, I could never repay what
your son did for me. It's a gift."
The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every
time visitors came to his home he took them to see the
portrait of his son before he showed them any of the
other great works he had collected.
The man died a few months later. There was to be a
great auction of his paintings. Many influential
people gathered, excited over seeing the great
paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one
for their collection.
On the platform sat the painting of the son. The
auctioneer pounded his gavel. "We will start the
bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid
for this picture?"
There was silence.
Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want
to see the famous paintings. Skip this one."
But the auctioneer persisted. "Will someone bid for
this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100,
$200?"
Another voice shouted angrily. "We didn't come to see
this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the
Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids!"
But still the auctioneer continued. "The son! The son!
Who'll take the son? "
Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room.
It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son.
"I'll give $10 for the painting." Being a poor man,
it was all he could afford.
"We have $10, who will bid $20?"
"Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."
"$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"
The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the
picture of the son. They wanted the more worthy
investments for their collections.
The auctioneer pounded the gavel. "Going once, twice,
SOLD for $10!"
A man sitting on the second row shouted, "Now let's
get on with the collection!"
The auctioneer laid down his gavel. "I'm sorry, the
auction is over."
"What about the paintings?"
"I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this
auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the
will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation
until this time. Only the painting of the son would be
auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit
the entire estate, including the paintings.
The man who took the son gets everything!"
God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel
cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is:
"The son, the son, who'll take the son?"
Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.
note: taken from an email i got a while ago
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
neverland
wouldnt it be so great if we wouldnt hafta ever grow up? wouldnt it be so great if we could just go thru another knowing that tomoro we'd be the same age, same maturity level, same naiveness. people these days long to grow up, but we really dont know what we're rushing. we could possibly be rushing the less stressful days of our life. like peter pan and the lost boys, they lived in neverland, never grew up. all they did was laugh and have fun all day. we used to be like that. now im like wendy or john or even michael. i want to fly off to neverland, a place of wonders, where i dint have to grow up and i can be as i am. ehh..too bad neverland's not a real place.
oh well..growing up has it's pros and cons. there's actually a difference between growing up and growing old. everyone eventually grows older, but not everyone grows up. too bad isnt it? as for now, i think maybe we're maturing too fast. maybe, hopefully, we'll find that lil kid in us again where we used to laugh at everything, be worryfree, or just be free of all the problems we have now.
it's still a wonder to me, maybe there is such thing as a neverland. that couuld be heaven right? we'll be there forever, and we'll never grow old. its a place of joy and happiness. free of anything that stops us from being the happy people God made us to be. i look forward to that Day, when we arrive at our Neverland.
oh well..growing up has it's pros and cons. there's actually a difference between growing up and growing old. everyone eventually grows older, but not everyone grows up. too bad isnt it? as for now, i think maybe we're maturing too fast. maybe, hopefully, we'll find that lil kid in us again where we used to laugh at everything, be worryfree, or just be free of all the problems we have now.
it's still a wonder to me, maybe there is such thing as a neverland. that couuld be heaven right? we'll be there forever, and we'll never grow old. its a place of joy and happiness. free of anything that stops us from being the happy people God made us to be. i look forward to that Day, when we arrive at our Neverland.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
think about it
Imagine yourself.Only it's not you, as you are now. It's you, living in the age of the Roman Empire. It's you, but you're filthy. You're dirty, and dressed in rags. It's you, sweating and panting. It's you, chained to a rock, about to be flogged and scourged.A Roman stands before you and barks out an order for the lashing to begin, when suddenly, time stops.Someone kicked dirt at you, but the dirt is frozen in mid-air. The crowd gathered to watch you suffer is frozen in it's madness. The lash, about to hit you, isn't moving. Everything stops, except for one figure. He's dressed as you are, in rags, but you know who he is."Go, you are forgiven for your sins" He says, and the next thing you know, he's unchained you, and taken your place. You fall back into the crowd, and time resumes. Blood flies through the air, as Jesus takes the punishment for your sins.That blood should have been your blood.Jesus never sinned, but there he is, taking your pain from you.The whippings continue, and the flesh and blood are thick in the air. Finally, they've had enough. The ground is matted with blood that shouldn't have been from an Innocent's. But it is, and that's the truth of the matter.
The next day, you're back where you belong. The punishment of sin is death. People have gathered and formed a pathway for you to walk. A large wooden cross is lifted and placed on your back. You grunt, the cross weighs more than you do. The crown of thorns on your head has cut through your scalp in several places, and the crowd throws rocks and sand at you.A Roman whips you with a lash from behind and you fall, devoid of strength.Time stops again. And Jesus steps forward out of the crowd, once again. Taking your cross, your sin, your shame. He takes your crown and you find yourself in the crowd, without bruise again. Jesus is spat upon, kicked, whipped, cut, bruised from flying stones. And all this time, it was your sin that he takes it for. The rags on his frame are red as wine from the blood that should have been yours. What person do you know would take your shame, your cross, your pain from you? Jesus lived a life without sin. He didn't deserve to die, but he chose to. He chose to take your sins, and mine, and everyone's sins onto him. So that you wouldn't have to go through an eternity of Hell.
I just wanted you to think about that.
note: taken from the livejournal of mattie
The next day, you're back where you belong. The punishment of sin is death. People have gathered and formed a pathway for you to walk. A large wooden cross is lifted and placed on your back. You grunt, the cross weighs more than you do. The crown of thorns on your head has cut through your scalp in several places, and the crowd throws rocks and sand at you.A Roman whips you with a lash from behind and you fall, devoid of strength.Time stops again. And Jesus steps forward out of the crowd, once again. Taking your cross, your sin, your shame. He takes your crown and you find yourself in the crowd, without bruise again. Jesus is spat upon, kicked, whipped, cut, bruised from flying stones. And all this time, it was your sin that he takes it for. The rags on his frame are red as wine from the blood that should have been yours. What person do you know would take your shame, your cross, your pain from you? Jesus lived a life without sin. He didn't deserve to die, but he chose to. He chose to take your sins, and mine, and everyone's sins onto him. So that you wouldn't have to go through an eternity of Hell.
I just wanted you to think about that.
note: taken from the livejournal of mattie
okay. i really dont know anything
i thought things were okay. i guess they arent. and rachel, stop being selfish. stop thinking you've been thru so much and your life is a living hell. cuz there are so many other ppl with lives worse than yours. grr
i thought i knew, but i actually really didnt
the title says it all. i grew up with many friends. i dont know if it was just my parents sending me to many places to be more outgoing and not as closed up, or it was just the way God made me: easygoing or social whatever. and lets just say while growing up i would think my life was great. God loves me, family loves me, friends love me, as in they dont talk behind my back. and you would think i felt really secure. i actually did at one point. until this year, these friends just randomly said that i had too many friends. i didnt even know what to say, cuz it just hit me so hard that they felt that way when i thought they shouldnt. and i guess lil bits of backstabbing went on. and well like one of you said, " maybe we were just bored and started picking out what we thought were flaws of each other, when we had flaws of our own." i wouldnt say they were all flaws, their called differences, no one can be just the way you want them to. yeah, i actually thought i knew my friends. turns out theyre way different from what i thought of them to be. i'm excluded from a lot of stuff cuz i dont have the same schedule or whatever. i feel distant, and i dont know if any of you guys feel that. i dont know if its me changing, or you guys changing, or both. i'm not as happy as i used to be. before i would always know you guys would be there for me, that you guys would listen to me when i needd you. and you guys say you still will be, but somehow its not the same. i feel you guys are there cuz youre obligated to, not because you want to. i dont know anything anymore. i dont have that sense of security because i always feel like im always judged by my closest friends and i cant open up. what happened to striving to be like Jesus? what happened to striving for not judging anymore? what happened to being honest with each other? and to you, you'll know who you are as you read the rest of this. like i said, i knew itd eventually happen. and i know you cant really control your emotions, but you can control what you do with your emotions. i dont know what's been goin on, but all i can say is that if you knew i still really liked him, would you continue what youre doing? he's not mine or anything i know that, but thats how it is isnt it? girl starts liking guy, then best friend starts liking the same guy. in the end, i cant really do anything about it. well thats how i feel about people now. maybe im just depressive i dont know. i just know that im not the only one with the faults. but somehow i end up just being part of a problem and everythings my fault. everything's my fault because im exclusive. you might not feel the same way, but i wouldnt know that cuz everything about you guys end up being secrets from me. you would say i wouldnt understand or we dont need you now. well if you dint tell me anything, how would you know i wouldnt understand? but in the end it's all up to you if you want me to be there or not. but just know that i'll love you guys the same even if you hurt me a million times one. anyway, i guess friends change dont they? their attitude and their love for you. i used to depend on people to be there for me. now, not everyones there for me. maybe in the future itll change. but like tian said, if i'm not there for myself, no one is. i agree with him in a way. if everything falls apart, everyone's gonna be concentrated on their own problems; no one's gonna be there to help you keep your head up high except for yourself. and i disagree with him in another way. i KNOW God's gonna be there for me. He was there for me in the first place, and He always will be. His love is unchanging and eternal. He loves me for who I am, cuz i am His child. He loves me even though I'm not perfect. and Thank God for Him. to those who read this, i'm sorry if the thoughts are all scattered, im sorry if i offended any of you in any way. but thats just how i feel right now: exclusive. after everything that happened, i jsut need to build my trust up again. and like i said, i'll be there if you need me. and just to reassure you, i still love you cuz you guys are my friends. on a final note, i still dont know.
Friday, October 22, 2004
cheers?
i just finished shopping at hillcrest for jeans. well first for champs anyways. i cant find the pink champs that footlocker hillcrest. haha pheebs i saw j-parks though. well at least i think its him. but anyway, i wanted the white champs but my mom said wait til boxing day lol. so thennn i went to try on other jeans at jacob but they dint fit me cuz they dint fit my beyooteeful buttocks. lol so then i went to guess. NYYYCE jeans. so i got one. so i guess that kinda cheered me up materialistically. then i went to church to pick up my bro, n then mark asked me if i wanted a rose. lol but i said no. cuz he was weird. yeah..anyways i love my mom but the way shes handling this problem isnt the right way. but i'll keep praying for her and my dad. its sad how there are avoidances even in the home. but thank God for deeeeaaannaa chow. i love you for comforting me, sharing with me and actually letting me know i'm not alone. for advice and ish. and i love everyone else for prayers, i love everyone else for their tlc. well neways what really cheers me up is the christmas spirit. though i wont go into the deeper side of christmas just the happyy..presents wishes side. so here it is
christmas wish list
- pink champs, or at least white
- new sweat pants
- nice shirts
- new kicks
my more grown up christmas list
- a white christmas
- my family would remember the true meaning of Christmas
- every one of my friend's unspokens solved
- for a mended family
and i would rather have those above than getting my presents on my wish list...oh well the clock's tickin away so i'm gonna leave this blog at that..
i wish things were okay.
thanks joeyyy. for the great analogy..it makes sense. and i guess i just gotta keep my head up. but i really still dont know how to fix things since im not really part of the problem. but yeahh.. its just weird the way it is. the avoidances.. and i guess this isn't really how things are supposed to be..family-wise. so whatever..im gonna blog more later. love you all who's been prayin for me and my family..
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
the dreaded
and so it happened again. even worse than major deja vu. i dont know who's right, who's wrong. i dont know whats gonna happen. cliché:"God does things for a reason." well what reason is it now? i dont feel like it's a very good reason because i dont know about it. i dont kno how long its been, i dont know what's been happening underneath what i know and what i've seen. its too much for me to handle. its too much for them to handle. cried for hours, and thats why those at pca dint see my smiling face today. you wouldnt have liked seeing my puffy eyes and tears. and i wouldnt have liked people continuously asking me what was wrong tho its nice to know people care. i dont know what to do, i dont kno what to say. i feel like running away til everything's solved then i'll come back. but i dont think this time it's ever gonna be solved in the way i want it to. in the way it should be solved. 3 hours of crying=3 hours of sadness=1080 seconds of what couldve been worryfree happiness. its been 21 hours. i've been praying for 21 hours. i've been sad for 21 hours. i've been worried for 21 hours. and the hours will just keep adding up...and ever since last night..i feel like im gonna lose this spiritual hype i've had for months. its been the longest streak i've had. am i gonna let it slip? i dont feel like God's here to comfort me anymore. and i know He's always gonna be there. but thats not how i feel. and i hear this everytime something goes wrong everything's gonna be okay, dont worry.. thats not really working. its not really reasurring in times like these. and as for now.. i dont kno whats gonna happen. i dont kno whats God tryina make out of this. and i dont know how to live the way i lived before..
Sunday, October 17, 2004
music "retreat" 2004
well this year sounded pretty crappy to start out. like its not even a retreat cuz we dont even sleepover, plus it was only like a 2 day thing. but wow, to my surprise i underestimated it. suure we were playing music like all the time. but the point being was that we dint hafta go to school and it was kinda just a time to chill and bond with those people we'd be going to europe with. my highlights were probably free time and worship and games. too bad i couldnt stay for games on the 2nd day cuz my sis had to go home and do a project. so did i, but i dint do anything. oh ahhaha food was good. hahaa i kept piggin out on the subs. teachers were awesome, we kept joking around with each other =) hahaha and i guess thats it. i dont expect much, so therefore im satisfied.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
cravings
im craving to go back to hong kong, to see kathy and her friends. im craving for a boost in my spiritual high. im craving to praise God in an environment that i could, but sadly am deprived of. im craving for rock music. im craving for asian music. im craving for love songs. im craving for a white christmas. im craving for that christmas hype. im craving for that tingly feeling when you know youre in love. im craving to go to sleep in my warm bed. farewell
Saturday, October 09, 2004
fmp 100904
supposedly this day was for westley's celebration thing for his first few days of adulthood, though he's still a big kid. me, jo, pheebs met up with westley and his 4 other friends plus tian and chuey. then we got our stickerpic exercise, and had lots of fun decorating it. lol n thennn we went to watch shark tale. it was a pretty okay funny movie, but i wouldnt watch it again. mmm then went to eat sushi, good talking/bonding time. laughs n ish. so yep then we leave. oh well good way to get school off my back. thank God for everything =)
Thursday, October 07, 2004
past week
oh dearies. this past week was so hectic i was in such a mess. 4 tests. and i kept losing stuff. lol but thank God its all over. im looking forward to tomoro. its yearbook day. so everyone that left last year is coming back WOO HOOO. lol i missed them. well some of them anyways. but JOYY! theres gonna be a lottta hugging and running around for me trying to get to them and see them and give them a GREAAT big hug. lol then after im going to see scacers again! yaay. oh yeah saturday might be fun. hahaa when i asked my parents they dint even answer, hopefully that ends up being a yes cuz CMON its thanksgiving weekend. muahaha. okay well im done blogging for tha day. bye!
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