MY 2007

I thoroughly enjoyed this round of UFC. Last time was fun too. Sigh, male influences always get to me - I am no longer a lady.

I'm thinking I should do my... year's reflection post now... pictures, descriptions, memories and all.

ski trips, baptisms, goodbyes, birthdays, funerals, China missions, HK, alcoholic escapades, laughing spasms, heartaches, that's what I remember most of my year.

... more to come... doing these kinds of posts are so tedious...

nostalgic tendencies

They're kickin' in again.
Even though the first seems more available, it's not right.
The second was short but sweet and I miss it.
And the third, I wish I could say I could start it all over again. I'm pretty bummed out at how it ended.

The drama I'm watching now is really good. Which would explain why I'm up at this hour...
Dayyym...
J'ai besoin d'un petit ami maintenant. :(

Oh how I love good clean wholesome fun.
A night of board games, instruments, Xbox, whatever...
along with a bunch of us church softball freaks
yaya, craziness is bound to happen.
Pictionary and Hedband, mmmmmmmm

So I'm gonna take it easy the next couple days.
Watch some dramas, fam dinners and such, and then try to put what I need to do before I head back to school in an agenda. Okay, I am on a roll :D

Give or Take

So I guess you can't have it all.

Today was nice.
Alvin and the Chipmunks and some good ol' Korean food with a panda.
Chillin' with the fam for our traditional dinners.
Bummin' around with some church buddies.
The night ended off with a really nice touch. =)
Thanks for stickin' by 'til now - who would've ever thought?

I have a lot of show marathons to go through. So let the fun begin! :D

Things to do:
1. China
2. CAISA FS
3. Workout
4. Shopping
5. See people
6. Clean

Exhausted.

A week's passed. I've gotten to see some people, I've slept in enough, had my fair share of food and yet there's still so much for me to do, for me to see. MUST. BE. PRODUCTIVE. these next two weeks.

This weekend's going to be interesting. Can't wait to see what's to come out of it. On the other hand, I just need one crazy night - new years anyone?

I'm tired of thinking and I'm tired of my previous ways. I've let go and I'm glad a new year is coming so I can do everything new. I need to be renewed.

This is what I learned this year, summed up in three phrases:

LOVE ALL.

TRUST FEW.

DO WRONG TO NO ONE.

- SHAKESPEARE

Dramatic Irony

It's hard to make good judgments on any given situation when we don't know the full extent of the details. And so, jumping to conclusions usually happens and everything thereafter is affected by it.

As much as I wanna know every little bit, I guess life wouldn't be so interesting if we knew everything. How would things change if I knew what made you who you are today? What would be different if you knew my every thought?

Maybe determining real friendships/relationships are defined that way. Who's gonna be patient enough to get to know who you really are beyond the apparent flaws? Who's gonna remain and choose to stick by beyond inconvenient circumstances?

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

Everything happens for a reason.

We hear that so much but yet we never believe in it.

So after a few mishaps that happened tonight, with plans changed - I guess everything worked out for the better. Aside from the sushi I never got and the overpriced dinner, photohunt was some chills times with the girls :D and seeing the AY lovelies definitely made my day =). If it weren't for changed plans, tonight wouldn't have ever happened.

I don't think things are as bad as I feel that they are. I'm probably just overanalyzing; I just miss having you there all the time - even if it was only for a short while.

Anyway, lots to dooooo, lots of people to seeeeee. Gonna get chuggin'!

There's just no one

Who gets me like you do...

And so I wonder...
What would have things looked like now if I didn't screw up?
Would you have let go as fast as you grabbed on?

I'm out of the Christmas hype for the timebeing. I'll probably get back into it this weekend. That's why theres a change in all the festive colours. Oh well.

It’s hard to watch people change right in front of you. But the worst part is remembering who they used to be.

So you didn't end up being who I thought you were and I guess I let you down in the same way. It's all about helping each other get there but I guess you're not ready for it yet.

Anyway, no time for all of this. Gotta make the most out of my 3 weeks. 4 days down, 18 more to optimize time for.

Since I've Been Back

After a totally rushed morning I had yesterday 'cause after telling myself I was just going to sleep for 10 more minutes, I slept for two more hours. It wasn't too bad, although I left a couple of really important things - case and court letters. Ah... hopefully the latter will turn out alright. Which reminds me... I need to write some emails... NTS: Goo Jerng, Carmen, Uncle Bill.

Basically roomie and I just went to Eaton Centre to kill time, whether we liked it or not - we were really exhausted though. We met up with Pheebs and walked around for a really short while and ended up just chilling in her room and then went back uptown to eat some Chinese food (mmmm... finally!) and then I went home and just chilled.

Today woke up bright and (too) early for a movie - it was entertaining nevertheless. Shopped at Yorkdale for a while (I'm happy with my few purchases!), went to my dentist to get my teeth cleaned, and ended up at Promenade for a short while with my maja. I dunno, I feel like I should be in a bigger shopping mood with Christmas nearing and all but everything comes off as so expensive now. I always knew things were overpriced for what they were worth but after that marketing unit with all that markup costs and stuff, I honestly think that nothing that's laid out is really worth it. Maybe I'm just bitter 'cause I am in dire need of job. I think I feel this way 'cause this is the first time in two years that I haven't had income and it just takes a little getting used to.

Hmm.. I wished for snow. Now I'm not so sure that it's in my favour 'cause now it's not always safe to drive which means transportation is lacking which means going out will be lacking which means staying home is increasing.

Okay on to the happy stuff! Mmm home cooked meals and mmm my own big bed with soft covers and pillows and everything and mmm to family and mmm to friends who I haven't seen in so long.

So when I'm bored I tend to go through Bumper Stickers on Facebook 'cause they're so amusing. I came across this one that caught my eye and made me think. I always know what to do in situations like this whether I do it or not but this one quote just put it in another perspective for me.

"When life knocks you down to your knees, just remember that you are in the perfect position to pray."

We should be in constant prayer nevertheless but that just emphasizes how much we need God.

I have a mild case of ADD.

So... I'm here 'cause I want to rant about how I have a disorder.

I think I prepared well for my MIT exam but I don't think I did well on it - does that make any kind of sense? I'm not going to talk about it further otherwise I will be depressed.

After the exam, I spent a little time with Robert before I sent him on his way back to Toronto - what an funny guy. I miss HK so much more now. So after, I made my way back to my room and begged roomie to let me watch an episode of GG for therapy. It was good - I teared at the end. I haven't teared in a while. And then... I slept my feelings out.

And now? Why am I not studying? I don't want to >.< but I'll regret this tomorrow after I write this. I am in deep contemplation of whether or not I should start 286 sweatshop today or tomorrow. Most likely tomorrow...

I'm still so dam distracted this is gonna suck. My roomie and I have been yelling... out loud for many reasons. Okay... must... focus... ahhhhhhhhhhh...

I am weak.

As you scroll towards the end of the post, you will notice the absurd time of day at which I am awake at. Why you ask? I will tell you. Just one sec.

After I woke up from my long nap, say... around 7PM. It was time to feed my ever-so-hungry tumtum. After getting food... might as well accompany it with a movie or a show or something right? Well it started out with a suggestion of The Holiday as I was feeling quite festive... as always you should know by now. And then it moved onto, while-waiting-for-the-movie-to-download-let's-watch-Gossip-Girls-since-Rachel-hasn't-seen-it-before (for a very good reason, I might add -- I'll explain in a bit). So you know, the show starts... and my, all these neurotransmitters from the show totally kick in and totally make me ADDICTED. ADDICTED I TELL YOU!!!

The thing is, the movie didn't end up getting watched. More episodes kept feeding me... and now I want more. This is the very reason why my DC++ is not up and why I so adamantly refused to start any TV series in the first place. My heart breaks for my weakness.

:(:(:( I am sad. I succumbed.

Well I currently finished halfway through on my top secret operation which will be revealed in two days' time. I have every intention to study. I will study. In a bit.

My life is over.
Fare thee well.

All I Can Say is that...

I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally.

My eyes are straining to stay awake, my circadian clock is retarded, no longer can my mind function beyond what is given and no longer am I trying to feel.

Psych exam. Well for starters, I think I did better than I did on my midterm considering I put more effort into it this time. However, there is still so much room for me to put in. Next semester, I promise. My working habits will be significantly better. I learned my lesson, seriously.

I'm waiting for my laundry to be done now. It's sad, over these past few months of living without my mom, I've already shrunk a pair of pants and a fave sweater of mine. I'm paranoid of how many other items of clothing I have yet to shrink this year. It's heartbreaking.

Anyway, train ticket bought for this Friday afternoon. Can't wait to be home. =)

Brain Break #19284792384

So after the many contemplations this week of going to the library (what a distant memory) and even being almost there today, my feet slowly brought me back to my room, that which has served me oh-so-well when I sleep and when I rise (very reluctantly).

Tomorrow's my first exam... I've studied quite a bit and whether or not I do well (I pray to dear God I do), I like blogging. A lot more than I like Facebook I must say. I don't really mind being away from it for an extended period of time and whether or not my usage of it when I'm back one will increase to the level it once was... my verdict is this.

Ignorance is bliss.

No longer will other people's pictures or updates matter to me. If I must be contacted, there are always more efficient ways =)

So um... yeah I'm really out of shape. Gots to go to the gym!... After exams.

One of the best feelings in life is to laugh without reason but yet it is very reason why we laugh. Those are the ones that keep you going. Comprendez? I don't really make sense but I don't really care either.

Lots to do tomorrow!

Ace that exam

Prepare for the next

Buy my train tixx yo

Laundry (oh baby, that pile is getting big)

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin'
And I keep on fallin'
Over and over again

- Kelly Clarkson's "The Trouble with Love is"

Before I sleep in hopes of resting my limbs, my brain for a very long day tomorrow... I just have to lay this out.

I shouldn't have gotten myself in those situations like I did. I know it's changed the way you perceive me as it did for me. I also don't ever want to see you as you have been lately. I'm not one to say, and I care about you just the same... It's just that I want to remember you as you were... not to long ago =)

I'll miss the long talks but cheers to that.

Okay my eyes hurt from straining to stay awake..

Like a Child

Okay, I promise...This is the last of my very many brain breaks I've taken today.

So roomie and I have been catching up after 48+ hours of absence.
Chick flick and "awwing" and singing to a new jam.
Bonding with our soph, Jugos (Naturales) - pronounced "huge-gose"
Depressing each other with the much needed love that we currently don't have with sappy lyrics...

Which brings me to my next point.

Why do we rush to grow up so much? We laugh at how naive and young people are, and yet that's the very flaw we continually never get rid of. We'll miss our innocent days sooner or later. Me? I always miss it. I miss being four years old and the only thing I had to worry about was whether or not I was going to see my mom after school, if she was picking me up early or late. I miss being twelve years old with all those petty crushes that send butterflies in my stomach and blush every time someone brought up his name. With that requited, it was certain that "liking" was so genuine, so innocent - no ulterior motives.

Nowadays, we go through this "seeing" or "dealing" phase, most of the time with no follow through. I'm also one to blame. People want to "try" everything out before they settle on what they "feel" is right. It's not that easy nor is it fun.

Anyway, rant over.
The following is what roomie and I have decided on what we miss feeling like, what we wish the significant other ever felt like, if ever confessed.

And it starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feeling shows
'cause you make me smile baby
Just take your time now
Holdin' me tight
wherever you go
I always know
'Cause you make me smile
Even just for a while

- an excerpt from Colbie Caillat's "Bubbly"

Amazing lyrics...

Man, being able to sleep in is spoiling me. I set my alarm for 10AM and I end up waking at 2PM, two days in a row. Well at least I'm studying right? How intellectually inspired I am at this point, I'm not able to give an answer but... yeah. YAY for books!

My room is getting messier by the days, my food supply is slowly going down, my laundry is piling up... oh boy.

I also really need to get out of my room. I always said I'd go to the library but I'm just so damn lazy to even walk out of the warmth of the res. Need... more... motivation.

Anyway, despite hopes and whatnot I'm growing more independent.

I miss high school - friends, the chills and all. Hopefully this Christmas break I'll be able to spend as much time as I can with all my loves. =)

Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering - Ida Scott Taylor

Could've Been

Well I know what to do now.
Thank you to D.O. for helping me realize what things should look like. And you were the one that kept telling me how things should be. Thanks for giving me a heads up. I was really disappointed before but I'm getting over it.

One more week 'til I'm back home and cozy! =)
Study study study.

The one I want to miss me most isn't.
The one who is missing me, shouldn't.
Funny how things work...

Could've been so beautiful
Could've been so right...

In God's Hands

The crazy week of trying to finish assignments is done. Now I've gotta set my mind on writing those three exams I so want to do well in. Hermit mode with occasional moments of living? Yeah that's what my next week's gonna look like.

This month's definitely been a big change for me - mindset, lifestyle, ya know.. and the like. My priorities are being reset and so are my hopes.

I got anxious too early even though at the moment there was no doubt at all. God speaks time and time again. I'm listening and He's giving me neither a yes or a no. He says wait. I think He sent you into my life at the very moment I needed Him most so you could show me where I needed to be - thanks for that. Too bad you're nowhere near walking with me anymore like you were before. It's probably my fault - shouldn't have got involved in so many of those things - that's what made me so typical. Well anyway, point is... I learned.

God also spoke through another significant person... amazingly. He was the last person I ever would have thought that would teach me one of my biggest life lessons... He told me that I should never be too busy to talk to my mom. My mom, the rest of my family... man I had the biggest guilt trip... I still do now. The fact that I no longer see them everyday is definitely hitting me hard now. A little late I know but better late than never right? Well a week and I will be back where I belong.

Another person also gave me one of the very well needed wake up calls. Again, totally didn't expect it but I'm totally glad he brought it up.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:2\

So that's from me to you.

i knew it

Je suis tres tres tres screwed.
I knew I was going to regret spending so much time yesterday downloading Christmas music when I really should be working... SIGH*

No more Facebook already. Now... no more MSN.
My outlet will be here as I will have no one else to talk to.
I'll always be a phone call away though ;)

9 more days and my misery will be over, at least for a little while.

Thank you roomie for getting me soup despite the little mishap you experienced. My tumtum was beginning to hate me for not feeding it.

Anyway things are looking brighter again =)
Okay well I am going to carpe diem.

Finish my last 15 minutes of Psych class ever of 2007. Then it's out to perfecting my Korean skills and then working really hard on Marketing, and then show my prof how my Korean skills are done... and then working really hard on Marketing again... and then spending time with the KCF lovelies and then... working really REALLY hard on Marketing again...

With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.

~Thomas Foxwell Buxton

time

"If you make time for God, He will give you more time than you imagined." - B.Y.

I really should be working/studying just because I feel like I am so pressed for time. There's so much to think about... there's so much need for me to just settle down and stop stressing about everything and just...

trust.

But I promise right after this I will put my entire focus into... compsci. MY BEST FRIEND!!! And the marketing report that I am so determined to do well in.

Coming out of high school, I have begun to realize I wasn't as smart as I was, I'm not diligent enough like others - dam you keeners. It's such a big pressure for me to live up to standards. I guess in everything... I just gotta do my best.

I love Bible verses... after those long nights where I could be studying but instead I was fellowshipping with my B.A.S.I.C., it was so worth the sacrifice. God isn't limited by time and space and neither should we. I will spend as much time as I can with ACF and KCF - it's so rewarding...

Anyway it's snowing like crazy here - I love the feeling of it. It means snowboarding is coming and so are mmmm hot chocolates and just warming up with a big group of people. =)=)=)

Picture time!

So that's in Montreal with my girls; small group fun; and back in October for Sam&Jer's 21st.

so much

I've had so much to say in the past month but I never got around to posting. I should really start to regularly post again just to get my thoughts out - pointless or not.

Being here at Western has definitely changed the way I look at many things and the way I do things now. I've matured but I still have a long way to go.

Ten more days and I'm going to be back at home. I need this break for revitalization, to take the time to plan things out for the future and to get back on track with all the stuff I've put off in the last little while.

These days are packed, but I kinda like it this way so I don't waste anytime.

Here are some pictures from recent days that aren't posted on Facebook because I deactivated it...

Tonight was CAISA Christmas... so many goodbyes already - it was kinda heartbreaking. God keeps teaching me to never waste time and so I won't. Thanks for a good semester guyses.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson